Do What You What You Are Called To Do

Escaping the trap of external validation to lead with "Strategic Defiance"  and authentic purpose.

I have to admit that it took me a long time to figure out what I was called to do. I don’t know if its because I was the first born in the family but I  always considered myself the police officer  of the house rules. Then it was being a “good student”, “good teammate”, etc. In business this helped and hurt me. I was always eager to help my boss and the company in the ways they wanted the company to go.  But eventually this produces burnout. You are always fighting to “help your boss” instead of looking at whats going around you and then coming up with solutions based on your own unique identity and experience.

So in my 20’s I left a family business and started my own company. I started 3 more after that. In those companies I could really do what I was called to do. And what was that?  At a high level, “help people be the best they can be”. That lead to a focus on coaching, listening, questioning, and actioning. When covid hit I stepped out of that founders role and went to retail for a while. At first it was fun and met my need of helping customers and fellow colleagues. As I quickly rose through the ranks you became more responsible for doing what the company wants, and if your boss had a dictatorial way of implementing that you were forced out of what you were meant todo. This was a great reminder of the stress involved when you  started doing things that were not you.  So I left the retail world and starte up The Margin Builders. Now I am back doing what I was called to do. Helping people succeed and being the best they can through coaching, ideas and action.

Today's leaders are operating on moving ground, navigating an unstable environment filled with overlapping disruptions, economic uncertainty, and intense public scrutiny. In this high-pressure context, it is incredibly easy to become consumed by "the noise" and the "whack-a-mole" of daily crises. We get caught in a transactional loop, focusing on managing systems and reaching preset goals, while losing the passion and meaning that initially brought us to the work.

Because we crave harmony and success, we often fall into the trap of trying to live up to the expectations of others—our board, our peers, or our industry. We become driven by external validation, slowly adjusting our behavior to ensure we are applauded, supported, and understood. But when we optimize our lives for the approval of others, we create a deep disconnect where what we are doing and why we are doing it fall completely out of balance. We become driven, but we are going nowhere.

The turning point arrives when we realize that leadership is not a popularity contest, and attempting to please everyone is a recipe for organizational and personal burnout. As Edith Eva Eger powerfully points out, "It’s our responsibility to act in service of our authentic selves. Sometimes this means giving up the need to please others, giving up our need for others’ approval".

We begin to understand that true transformation does not come from trying harder to meet external demands, but from shifting our internal identity. We realize that the most effective leaders—those who truly leave a legacy—do not set out to blindly prove themselves to the world; rather, they have an abiding interest in fully expressing themselves. We recognize that to lead effectively, we must uncouple our decisions from the fear of disappointing others.

Where do I need to step away from the noise so I can hear what I’m truly being called to care deeply about—and have the courage to act on it?

As author Christine Caine beautifully outlines, stepping into your true purpose requires accepting a hard truth about human nature:

• "Not everyone will understand. Not everyone will approve."
• "Not everyone will applaud. Not everyone will affirm."
• "Not everyone will stay. Not everyone will encourage."

And that’s okay.

To be a capability builder and a true leader, you must practice "Strategic Defiance". This means having the courage to draw a hard line based on your core identity and values, even when it is unpopular. Your job is not to chase a consensus; your job is to provide a clear, inspiring "Why" that serves as a compass for your organization.

You must remember that meaning comes from within, and it is up to you to take personal responsibility for your own life's program. You don't need a new year or a new title to become a new you; you only need a new response—a shift from worrying about "what if" to leading with the conviction of "even if".

Stop waiting for universal celebration. Stand up, step into the center of your purpose, and do what you are called to do.

Further Reading & References

• "The Choice" or "The Gift" by Edith Eva Eger: These works expand on the responsibility of acting in service of our authentic selves and letting go of the need for external approval.
• "Unstoppable" by Christine Caine: Offers deeper insights into stepping into purpose and navigating the reality that not everyone will affirm your calling.

"Start with Why" by Simon Sinek: Provides a framework for leaders to identify that "clear, inspiring Why" which serves as an organizational compass.